Ben

I've never been much of a whiner. It's just not in my DNA honestly. I'm so much like my grandmother Puddie. When things get brutal I just put my head down and keep on going. Today Chris kept asking "Are you okay?" And to be honest I didn't know if I would get out of bed this morning. But I did. And for a brief moment as I poured freshly ground coffee into my percolator I forgot what today was. I forgot that this day MADE me the person standing in her kitchen, with a pixie cut, a t shirt with a political candidate's name plastered across my chest that was stained with spit up from the 4am feeding, with three little boys under my feet. As Chris walked out the door for a unexpected work shift his words stayed behind. Was I okay? When our baby sitter got here and I told him about today, he asked me again "Are you okay?" images littered my mind as I stood in my living room swaying back and forth soothing Ollie's upset tummy. A broken phone. A trash can pulled out from under a desk. the words "It's okay because..It's okay because.." repeated themselves over and over again in my head "No?" I said. Because the truth is this day isn't okay. It slays me. Every. Single. Year. So I decided it's time for me to really tell the story of the day my brother Ben died. This story is just really messy. People are messy. My life is messy. But this is it:

In 2005 I was 17, and one of 30 kids picked to represent my county and state as a United States Senate Page. It was a HUGE deal. It meant I would spend 5ish months living in a dorm in DC, going to a prep school from 6-9am every morning and then working a 14 hour day on the United States Senate floor. You could actually see me and the other pages on CSPAN, walking around, sitting on the steps of the rostrum. If we weren't running errands or on the Senate Floor, we were in the back hallway of the floor doing our homework (which was about 6 hours a day of homework, for me at least. I am NOT brilliant and school has always been hard for me. And if our grade point average dropped bellow a C we would be sent home, humiliated. No biggie...) I would sit with my nose in my history book next to Hillary Clinton. or Barrack Obama. It was his freshmen year as a Senator. I knew these people you see on Fox News. Not well, but I knew what they smelled like, I knew how they treated their staff, and I knew how they liked their ice water when they were speaking on the floor.

A DAY into the page program I found myself sobbing hysterically, locked in the girls bathroom of my school. The principle had just given this super inspiring speech about how we would come home super stars basically. They would turn us into Ivy League potential. We would be incredibly successful as adults. WE would come home a sliver of the person that had left our home. And this slayed me. I LIKED myself. I was truly happy, just being me. My little brother was at home dying of a heart condition most people had never heard of. I didn't want to come home a different person. I wanted to just be me. Looking back I really think I started grieving that day, and that deep in my heart I knew Ben would die while I was in DC.
The last time I saw Ben was the morning my parents and I flew to DC. It was very early in the morning and Ben was a night owl, so he was still asleep when I came into his room. I climbed into his bed and hugged him close. He woke up and said "Oh Mary Kate, I love you do much" and then we both cried. I think we knew this was the end for our earthly journey. We were 17 months apart. It felt like we were twins much of the time. From the time I could climb I was in his crib. In most of our family pictures I'm right next to him. My favorite place in the world. That place seems so far away now. Ben had been given a few more years to live at the point I left for DC, so it seems so odd I would be so gripped with fear that he would die before I could get home. But now I know my soul knew something my head couldn't.

I struggled for weeks with homesickness. I was gripped with it and couldn't shake it. Which is bizarre because I'm the last person you would think wouldn't be able to just get it together.. I would call home every night, weeping. It didn't help that being a homeschooler I was a little bit of an outcast. Kids can be mean. And 17 year olds are no exception. Looking back I don't blame them for thinking I was a little bit of an odd ball, with my sheltered background (I didn't get my first kiss until I was 18 folks!) my weird hair, and my just slightly out of style clothes, I was probably a little hard to love. Plus, what high school junior really wants to befriend the girl calling home every night in tears?

By the time March 17th rolled around I could see the sunshine starting to peak through my extreme home sickness and fear. The Republican cloak would (which was kind of like page headquarters) allowed me to call home before lunch every single day, to talk to Ben. It made a big difference. And even tho I was still heading to the library to eat my lunch alone, the ice was starting to thaw and I was slowly getting to know my fellow pages a little more.
I usually called Ben before lunch, but for the first time ever I considered calling him after I came back. I decided against it and called him at 930ish his time. He sounded just terrible. He was mad my mama wouldn't let him take a shower until he and our little brother Robin had a devotional with her. (Had Ben taken a shower that day he would have died, alone. Which was one of my sweet mama's biggest fears)
as we talked his tone softened and the edge left his voice. At the end of our conversation we talked about how I would be flying home in exactly one week for my spring break. I said "Just hold on buddy. Hold on. One more week" "I love you Mary Kate" he whispered. "I love you too buddy" and we hung up the phone. I went off to the library for lunch.
30 minutes later Ben, Robin (then 11) were on the couch in our living room in my childhood room. At this time my mama was suffering from horrible back pain that would leave her on the couch, often almost unable to move the pain was so unbearable. My mama started to the read the Bible, and in the middle of it Ben turned to her and said "Mama, I can't feel my heart anymore" and within seconds he passed away in front of her and Robin. I'm weeping as I type this, because everything happened too quickly. One minute Ben was here, and the next he was in glory. My mama told me she just kept saying "No, not yet. Please, please not yet" For Ben to die this way was almost unbearable. No warning. No time to gather his close knit family around him. My daddy was at his office. My older sister in college 3 hours away, and I was a thousand miles away. The timeline of events is still so fuzzy for me, but I know that Robin called my Daddy. I picture my Dad now, racing down the stairs of his office. The ambulance was rounding the town square heading to our house as he raced to his own vehicle. He followed the ambulance the whole drive to our home, to find my sweet mama on the floor with Ben. She had tried to do CPR but the pain from her back had left her almost unable to move him to a hard surface to perform CPR. One of the paramedics snapped at my mama and said "You tried CPR on the couch?! Don't you know you have to perform it on a hard surface!" But Ben was gone, and no amount of CPR would have ever brought him back. Ben was gone. and I was still at lunch, oblivious to the horror my brother and parents were going through.
Let me add in Chris's story here now- Yes the man I'm married to.
Chris was an Iraqi war combat veteran who had moved to my home town to marry a family friend. Chris had taken my little brothers under his wing in the two years we had known him. He Loved my brothers, spent time with them, and enjoyed being a big brother to them. Two days before Ben's death, on Ben's birthday Chris and his best friend Will had actually spent the day with Ben and Robin watching the Incredibles and just having a blast. At this time Chris was in college finishing up his degree, and worked part time at Will's new sandwich and coffee shop, across the side street from my Dad's office.
I have a feeling that one of the first phone calls made after Ben died was to Chris's Father in law, who was a good family friend. Chris's wife at that point was racing to get to Chris to break the news to him that Ben had passed away, but someone else coming from my Dad's office got to him first. Chris was devastated to be told the news, and as soon as he could he headed to my house and was met by my own dad and his father in law. He walked into my parents bedroom to find my mama, who directed him towards her one of her biggest concerns at the moment- Robin. Chris took Robin outside away from all the prying eyes and walked with him all afternoon, without saying much.
My sister had been told the news and was being driven home, with our childhood friend following in Ana Eason's car.
But there was still me. A thousand miles away. I got back from lunch and started in on my homework. After a good hour of homework our supervisor walked through the hall doors. He nonchalantly looked around the hall at all the pages, I assumed looking for a volunteer to run an errand. I instantly perked up, hoping he would pick me. He picked one of my room mates and then said "Uh, Mary Kathryn you can go too I guess. I need you two to head to the dorm and pick up a package for me" An errand, OUTSIDE?! We were thrilled. On the 15 minute walk we talked about our excitement over Spring Break and how I was buying an ipod from another page for Ben's birthday. I didn't even notice when we walked into our dorm that the school secretary whisked my room mate away. I walked into the school office, and was told I had a phone call. I instantly grew concerned that I was being sent home due to a low GPA. They handed me the phone and told me to call my Dad. The phone rang and rang. I sat quietly waiting, assuming that the phone had rung so many times I would get his voicemail. But then he answered. And at the same time I heard his voice I happened to glance up. The office was totally empty, the door closed. And through the glass window I could see all the employees watching me. I felt nausea claw at my throat. "Mary Kate. Mary Kate" I heard. "Noooo" I moaned. Daddy kept saying "It's okay because he didn't suffer Mary kate. It's okay because he didn't suffer Mary Kate" At this point I heard screaming. Blood curdling screams. I glanced around looking for someone else in the office. I realized it was me. He hadn't told me that Ben was actually gone, so I started to slam the phone into the wooden desk, because if the phone was broken, Ben wasn't really gone. The phone shattered into pieces of plastic, and finally the school employees ran in to take the phone from me. "I'm going to throw up. I'm going to throw up!" I kept shouting. Someone pulled out the trash can from under the desk and I lost my lunch. My lunch I'd eaten alone, hiding in the Senate library, reading Jonathan Edward's sermons.
Someone, I can't remember who, told me I had to call my Dad back. And within seconds of someone handing me a new phone, I felt a surreal strength flow into every bone of my broken little body. I got it together. After reassuring my Dad I was okay, I turned to the school secretary and told her I had to go down to the school computers and change my flight. To this day I have NO idea how I changed that flight, or packed my bags to head home. I then headed back up to the capitol to tell my fellow pages goodbye. I shared with them that Ben was gone, shared that my heart was aching inside, but somehow I was able to point the entire situation back to a providential God. Even if my heart was dying inside of me, I still knew one thing. God had not left his throne. When I got back to the dorm, I was greeted by some truly precious people who had befriended me along the way of my journey of being a page. A young married couple who worked for the MS Senator I was sponsored by, and a chief of staff to a MS congressmen. All three had seen my pain, had witnessed my homesickness, and loved me well through it all. To this day those three people are so precious to me. After telling them goodbye I was taken to the airport and boarded my flight alone. I sat next to two burly, middle aged men who both looked like they weren't up for any type of conversation, which was ideal for me. I sat down, numb and broken inside and stared straight ahead. Five minutes into the flight the younger of the two men turned to me and said "You heading home young lady?" "Yes" I whispered. "Home" "Were you on vacation??" He sure was chatty. "I was a page. My little brother passed away this morning. I need to get home" the younger man nodded his head knowingly, and then his friend next to him began to quietly weep. I stared wide eyed, unable to process why this grown man was weeping over this news from a complete stranger. He stopped crying and turned to me "I lost my younger brother in a car accident two years ago today. I know your pain, and I'm crying over the changes you will experience the moment you get off this plane". I didn't understand this kind strangers news then, but ten years later I certainly do.

Grocery budgets and life lately

Well y'all.
I feel so awkward writing a post after MONTHS of silence! But life has been insanely busy. From mid-July until THIS Sunday almost non stop at least one member of our family or all of us have been out of town. It's been nuts. A good kind of nuts.
Late Summer also brought with is some defining moments for me as a mama. All Spring and Summer I'd been writing prayer cards with questions. Questions I was asking about my life of the Lord. Questions I prayed over. Every. Single. Morning. And one by one. In tiny little ways the Lord began to answer each and every one. Sometimes the answers weren't want I wanted. Sometimes they were glorious. Many of the big answers to my prayers came at the end of Summer. They slammed into me. One by one. Wave upon wave of emotions overwhelmed as the Lord opened me eyes. Allowed me courage. Allowed me to say in some situations "No. You may come here but no further. THIS. This stops today" Things that had been allowed to go on in my life for years and years were finally brought to a head. It was scary. It was beautiful.
Some answers were truly sweet. A positive pregnancy test Easter morning. Little boys growing from babies to little men before my eyes. Growth in my marriage. Growth in my heart.
Something else that happened over the past few months is Chris and I started to really simplify our life. With Oliver coming in December, it was time to truly decide what was important to us as a family. A few things surfaced for us: Home schooling the boys. Living a slow, and simple life with our children. Growing Merri Babies and hopefully taking it to the next level-We would love for it to become a family business one day and not just my business where I work from home part time. Continuing to build a community of precious friends around us as our family grows.
We also wanted to pay off a little debt before Oliver came, and part of paying off that debt began by simplifying and cutting our budgets down. WAY down. Especially the grocery budget. We realized that we were wasting SO much food. And that needed to stop. Chris put me in charge of the grocery issue and I got right to work. With a lot of research, prayer, and pinteresting I've been able to keep our budget at around $50 a week. It has not been easy but I feel really good about where we are right now. I've been adhering to this budget for a few months now so I feel pretty comfortable sharing more about it with you on here.

To keep to the budget I shop at a few places: Aldi mostly. Costco, the local farmers market, and Trader Joe's. This week I only went to the Farmer's market and Aldi. I also made another big change to our shopping budget by finding another farm source for our raw milk. I'm able to pay only $6 a gallon with a .50 delivery fee per gallon instead of $11 a gallon. Whew! That was killing me.
I was a little nervous about this shopping trip because we had been out of town on and off for weeks-so we were out of A LOT of the basics. We eat very simply anyway so this isn't usually a problem BUT we were totally out of meat. I don't get my 40lbs of Zaycon Foods all natural chicken until Oct and we had eaten the last of a bulk purchase of grassfed beef before we left for North Carolina the week before. So things were a bit dicey.
I try and NOT buy any beef or chicken unless it's in bulk and up to our high quality standards. So every now and then we have a few weeks where we eat vegetarian while I finish saving for a new shipment of beef, or until a chicken sale happens at Zaycon.

Anyway- here is the breakdown money/food wise for us for the next two weeks (started on Saturday)

I was able to buy 2 gallons of raw milk on Friday for $13. This SHOULD last us two weeks if I'm careful.

Ben and I went to the Winter Park Farmer's market on Saturday morning and bought three $1 grab bags filled with cucumbers, red peppers and onions. We bought $4 worth of tomatoes and a basket of peaches for $5. That's $12 total for that trip. The cucumbers are for snacks and the onions, tomatoes and peppers I'll use for crockpot marinara with my basil from the back yard and probably chop up for fried rice one night. (Side note- It was SUPPOSED to be marinara. I used half the veggies we bought but I added too much water and it ended up being really, really good tomato soup!)

Aldi:
2 bags of gmo free corn chips
2 bags of pepperoni
4 packages of bacon (two a week for breakfast. It becomes our family meal four days out of the week since Chris isnt home for dinner on nights when he works)
1 large package of dried black beans (I NEVER buy cans anymore. So much cheaper to soak and cook myself)
4 lbs of butter (We only cook with butter, bacon grease (yummmm!) or coconut oil)
2 containers sour cream
1 jar natural peanut butter (this is Christopher Robin's favorite thing in the whole world. Give him the jar and a spoon and he is in hog heaven)
2 packages cream cheese (Melt half a package with black beans and 2 tablespoons home made taco seasoning. Add to rolled up tortillias and bake for some aaamazing black bean burritos)
2 packages tortillas
6 pack of raisins
1 package blueberries-These are from a Florida farm so I was okay with buying them. They're for pancakes :)
4 dozen eggs-We eat A LOT of eggs. And usually I go and get the two dozen organic free range eggs from Costco but at $8 a pack I went the $1.49 route this time.
Total: 62.03

Grand total for the two week ($50 a week or $100 total) grocery budget: 87.03. I will need to buy coffee soon so that will come out of this budget as well. But so far so good :) I'll also buy fresh fruit with whatever money is left over at the local farmers market next weekend.
Also- I planned my meals on a monthly timeline and make an entire pinterest board of all the recipes to keep myself more organized. Here is the link to my September board http://www.pinterest.com/marymerri/sept-50-a-week/

Enjoy friends!! I hope this inspires you :)

Merri Babies giveaway!

I usually TRY and keep this personal blog about all things Merri men related seperate from my business Merri Babies, BUT I can't let my faithful readers miss out on a super cute giveaway going on over at www.urbansqueaks.com

In your vast amount of space time today, head on here to the giveaway http://www.urbansqueaks.com/merri-babies/
and enter to win the cutest gift set ever! I'm obsessed with the elephants!
That's all I got for today :)

Healing my soul, one loaf of bread at a time.

Lots of things going on in my mind and heart this month. It's a mixed bag of emotions for me, this crazy month of March. My first born Ben, was born this month. His sweet little existence rocked my world in such a beautiful way. But it's also the month (It's all the same week actually) I lost my precious brother, two days before we also celebrated my brother's birthday. Such joy. Such aching grief. All there. All so very real, and all very worthy of a place in my heart.
As I sort through these emotions, I've taken to creating. I've been doing a lot of new stuff with my business, but I'm also baking a lot as well. (If you're wondering, the state of my laundry is INSANE!)
Baking is hard for me because it is so precise. But at times, I need that kind on consistency in my day to day routine. I usually bake many different breads, change it up for our family every now and then, since we don't buy bread at the store.
But, THIS recipe I'm about to share with you today, HEALS MY SOUL. I'm not being dramatic. At all.
Every time I make it, I know that flour+salt+yeast+water+time= a culinary masterpiece. If you want to get real crazy, you could say this bread recipe is a lot like me. Very simple life+lots of time+days spent in the fire (ha!)= a joyful existence.

Maybe that's reaching a bit far ;)

Ben says: shut ya mouth already lady, and gimme the bread recipe!

So without further ado, here is the most simple, easy, soul healing bread you're ever going to make. EVER.

6 cups Organic, unbleached all purpose flour (Do not skimp on this! Use the organic unbleached, you won't be sorry! Do not use whole wheat, do not, do not, do not!)
3 teaspoons sea salt
1 teaspoon instant yeast
3 cups water

That's it! Oh yeah, and you need a dutch oven, or some oven safe pot that has a lid.

Mix the flour, salt, and yeast in a big bowl. Add the water and mix with a wooden spoon. It's not going to look pretty. Once it's combined, cover the bowl with plastic wrap and let it hang out on the counter for 12-18 hours, or over night. I always make mine right before bed, then bake in the morning.

after it's risen for 12-18 hours- put your dutch oven IN the oven, empty, with the top on, and turn on the oven to 450.

While the oven is pre-heating divide the dough into two round pieces. You'll need lots of flour for this. Leave the two pieces of dough to rest for 30 minutes.

After 30 minutes remove the dutch open (carefully!) and gently drop one round piece into the pot. Put the top on and place it back into the oven.

Bake for 30 minutes with the top on, then remove the top and bake for an additional 15 minutes (My oven is super hot and took about 10 mins)
Remove the bread from the dutch oven, let it cool on a cooling rack and repeat with the other loaf.

Ain't it pretty?!

Sadness and yogurt

The boys are playing relatively quietly in Ben's room with legos and the sound machine. So I thought I'd take a hot minute and write a post about the most amazing thing to come out of my crockpot since cinnamin rolls..

home made yogurt!!

I actually have been making home made yogurt in my crockpot for years, but I stopped making a lot of things from scratch after we lost the baby back in October. I lack creativity in some areas of life when I'm sad. Which is totally okay. It's a GOOD thing to rest and be kind to yourself when you're grieiving! It's also a good thing to allow yourself the freedom to be sad. Surprised I'm still talking about the miscarriage? I think it's on my mind more and more as my due date in April approaches. But that's another blog post in itself.
This one is about yogurt :)

For crockcpot yogurt you need three things: A crockpot. 1/2 gallon organic or raw whole milk. 1/2 cup organic yogurt. And a lot of time at home. We are home all day every day so this isn't a big deal for us, but do this over a weekend if you work out of the home.

As usual, I want to give credit to the origignal recipe, and here is the link: http://crockpot365.blogspot.com/2008/10/you-can-make-yogurt-in-your-crockpot.html


Here is my version:

1/2 gallon raw or organic milk. I used the Publix Greenwise brand for this.

1/2 cup organic yogurt. I used Stonyfield organic whole milk, french vanilla yogurt. I also used a little more than half a cup.

--thick bath towel


The Directions.


Turn your crockpot to low and add half gallon of milk. Cover and cook on low for 2 1/2 hours.


Turn off crockpot. Leave the cover on, and let it sit for 3 hours. I'm really bad about remembering crockpot cooking times so I stuck a sticky note on the crockpot with a "I'm done at 4pm" kinda note, because I'm a space cadet like that.

When 3 hours, scoop out 2 cups of the milk and put it in a bowl. Whisk in 1/2 cup yogurt. Then pour the bowl contents back into the crockpot. Stir to combine.



Put the lid back on your crockpot. Keep it unplugged, and wrap a heavy bath towel all the way around the crock for insulation.


I went to bed, but you could always just time it for 8 hours. Again, sticky notes help a lot if you're a nut like this girl.

In the morning when you wake up, prepare to have you mind blown. I'm not even kidding. Stick a long spoon in that wonderful-ness and it will be thick!!!!!!! I died a little the first time I did this.
Pour your yogurt into a half gallon mason jar if ya wanna get fancy, and allow it to chill all the way through. Then add some honey to sweeten, toss some granola on top..and yum!!
Should stay fresh in your fridge for about 10 days.

Whole Foods and Chicken Curry

I am madly in love with Whole Foods. I'm not kidding. Chris and I go there on dates. It's my happy happy happy place.
But what I don't love about whole foods is I can blow my entire monthly budget there, and come home with exactly one sack of groceries. But one thing I can't resist at Whole Foods is their curry chicken salad . I'm not proud of it, but there have been times I've sat in the van with the kids watching a DVD in the backseat and I've eaten that yumminess straight out of the container..without a fork. Yup. I'm a nut. But y'all..After chasing to boys around all day, Mama gets hungry!
But good news!!! I found a recipe that is surprisingly easy and just as yummy as the stuff at WF.

As usual, here is the link to the original recipe: http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20609982,00.html

And here is my tweaked version:

• 2 boneless, skinless organic chicken breasts
• 2 tbsp. curry powder
• ¼ cup real fruit jam-I used home made orange marmalade
• ¼ cup organic sour cream
• ¼ cup mayonnaise
• ¼ cup finely chopped organic celery
• Kosher salt and freshly ground pepper

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. (I ended up having to boil the chicken instead of bake, but I prefer baking)

2. Rub the chicken breasts with 1 tbsp. curry powder, sea salt and pepper, place them on a lightly greased baking sheet and roast until a meat thermometer registers 125 to 160 degrees in the thickest part, or until the juices run clear. This is usually about 35 minutes. Once the chicken is baked, throw it in your kitchen aid mixer. Yup! Your mixer. Turn the mixer on low speed and lock it. Let the mixer shred the chicken to the desired size you want.

3. After the chicken is shredded, throw in 1 Tablespoon curry powder with jam, sour cream and mayonnaise. Mix. Then add in the celery and salt and pepper and mix. And you're done!
This should keep in the fridge for about 5 days. Enjoy!!

Costco, Farmers market, and my idols.

Okay y'all. I'm coming down from the mountain of fun we had at Target (insert sarcasm here) and a oven repair man who wanted to know why my THREE year old was not in school, and then proceeded to make some pretty "judgey" comments about home schooling. Blah....

I've got lavender oil in the diffuser right now, hoping it will chill out this major attitude I have.
As I mentioned in the precious grocery budget post, I've spent a total of $107 on groceries so far.
I have two more trips to add to this budget now.

First- Costco. Costco was about stocking up on basics that didn't need to be baked and items that could be kept in the freezer.
I bought:
2 flats of Sweet Hawaiian Rolls 3.69 each (These rolls are obviously not as healthy as the home made bread and whole wheat hamburger buns I make, but they are a nice option to keep in the freezer for left over BBQ chicken, chicken salads, etc for lunches. Plus they are the perfect size for sliders)
2 sacks of hot dog buns 4.69 each (I made a mistake and bought the large buns. Oops! again, not super healthy but we are always having company over and hot dogs are a fantastic option for little guys)
2 packages Hebrew national hot dogs. 10.39 each (I'd obviously prefer the Coleman brand hot dogs, but those are only a seasonal item)
2 packages Kerrygold Grass fed butter 6.99 each (I cannot say enough about how amazing this butter taste and how great is it for you! We bake with it, cook eggs and veggies in it, and I make butter candy with it for the little dudes)
Total: 62.21

Every Monday night I try and make my way up to the Audubon Park Farmers Market. This is where I get my raw milk, farm fresh eggs, and try out fun cuisine for dinner. My little brother Robin baby-sat the little men so Chris and I actually went together and made it a date. Nothing like sipping a beer, and holding hands with your hubby while buying raw milk. those three things MAY or may not be my idols. Ha!
I bought 3 gallons of raw milk (We go through three gallons a week) at $11 a gallon- $33
and 2 dozen free range, farm fresh eggs at $4 a dozen. Which made my total $44

Alrighty. Let me break down the budget numbers for you so far:
I have $320 every month for groceries, toiletries, etc.
Aldi-$107
Costco- 62.21
Farmers Market $41
Total for Feb-$210.21 Yikes!! Only 89.79 left for the entire month. Let's see how it goes for the rest of the month!

again- Here is my menu for February:
Meals for February:
Breakfast:

Smoothies
Bacon and eggs and granola
Granola and scrambled eggs
Organic animal crackers with apples dipped in peanut butter and honey
Eggs over spinach with hollandaise sauce
Organic cheerios with dried fruit
Cinnamon Rolls
Potato and cheese skillet with eggs
Florentine hash skillet
Whole wheat chocolate chip muffins
Oatmeal with dried fruit and maple syrup

Lunches:

Hot dogs and chips and dried fruit
Granola and bacon
Annie's Bunnies and cheese
Left overs
Bean and cheese burritos
Smoothies
Grilled chicken in rice with green veggies
BBQ chicken and guacamole quesadillas
Tacos or nachos
Curry chicken salad over Hawaiian rolls
BBQ chicken over baked potatoes with broccoli

Dinners:

Loaded twice baked potatoes
Veggie fried rice
Meatballs and potatoes
Korean Beef over rice
Burrito rice bowls
Broccoli and cheese soup
Crockpot pineapple chicken
Chicken and asparagus penne pasta
Roasted red paper Alfredo
Chicken avocado soup, or some kind of tortilla soup
Egg-drop soup and garlic chicken over fried rice

And for recipes here is my pinterest board for February: http://www.pinterest.com/marymerri/february-meals/

Pristine parenting and clean up at check out!

One of these days I will learn, to grocery shop alone by any means necessary. I'll learn that it's worth paying my little brother in pizza to baby sit my wild babies, just so I do not have a heart attack every 4.7 seconds at the store. One child is always unbuckled (somehow??) from his belt at the front of the cart, trying to swan dive onto the floor. The other is picking up random items (Oh! mustard! this looks fun!) and throwing it in random strangers carts. And I'm over in the frozen section trying to find the dang organic blueberries. Yikes. Don't go to the Cassleberry Aldi at around 10ish every other Saturday, unless you want to see some pristine parenting going on in the seasonal isle.

I have finally trained the boys to do one thing exceptionally well when it comes to shopping. Check-out! One brother sits in the cart, hands the brother standing by me an item, and I place it on the belt for them. This is a pretty good system until we get to the wine...And then slippery hands aren't really ideal. "Clean-up at check out! I re-peat clean up at check-out! we need a mop y'all!"

In the midst of the craziness a lady walked out with me and told me she thought I was the kindest mama she'd met, and I was doing something right because my children were beautiful. I wondered if maybe she had been drinking some of that spilled wine...jk. I almost wept. Sweet, sweet lady. Made my day.

Aside from the shenanigans, this was a pretty successful Saturday of grocery shopping. Our oven is still broken due to three different people coming and and having three different opinions, all different from mine. Hello boys, this housewife can Google!
Therefore when making my grocery list I had to be honest with myself. I will most likely not be able to make a lot of snacks from scratch and cook a lot of dinners I had originally planned. So you may find my grocery list and menu slightly less healthy than usual, but ya gotta do what ya gotta do.

Alrighty first is my Aldi trip:

Roasted veggie crackers 1.79 (These will be for turkey pepperoni. Ben likes to make sandwiches with them)

3 bags of Love Crunch dark chocolate organic granola 2.99 each(snacks for the boys and I)

Organic animal crackers 1.79 (snacks or breakfast with dried fruit)

2 packages Organic teddy grahams 2.49 each (these are in individual sacks, great for lunches out)

2 Organic cheese and pepperoni pizza 3.49 each (These are how we pay my little brother to babysit. His oven works! haha)

Organic O's cereal 1.99 (breakfast and snacks)

1 package organic strawberries and 2 Blueberries 2.69 each

1 large bag of non organic berries 2.29 (all frozen fruit is so smoothies)

Fruit and nut bars 3.99 (These are the aldi equal to kind bars. Yum!)

Organic spinach 2.49 (for smoothies, on tacos, for breakfast)

2 packs of tortillas 1.99 each (For quesadillas, breakfast burritos, tacos)

turkey pepperoni 2.79 (We never buy these but I got it as a treat for Ben)

3.25lbs of bananas 1.43 (smoothies, snacks)

Sour cream 1.29 (for tacos, curry chicken salad sandwiches)

Red and yellow peppers 2.29 (for roasted peppers pasta sauce)

Guacamole 2.99 (for tacos, dip, and bbq chicken quesadillas)

Shredded cheese 2 packages 2.99 (tacos, quesadilla, etc)

2 Whole bean breakfast blend coffee 3.99 each (I grind mine fresh every morning for my perculator)

4 packages of uncured bacon 3.89 each

2 packages non GMO big dipper corn chips 1.79 (nachos, etc)

BBQ sauce 2.29 each (crock pot bbq chicken)

Dried berries 2.49

2 Winking owl Merlot 2.89 each

Total=107.00!!
I spent a little more than usual but it's worth it to be stressing less about when the oven will be working.

As usual here is my February Meal plan:

Meals for February:
Breakfast:

Smoothies
Bacon and eggs and granola
Granola and scrambled eggs
Organic animal crackers with apples dipped in peanut butter and honey
Eggs over spinach with hollandaise sauce
Organic cheerios with dried fruit
Cinnamon Rolls
Potato and cheese skillet with eggs
Florentine hash skillet
Whole wheat chocolate chip muffins
Oatmeal with dried fruit and maple syrup

Lunches:

Hot dogs and chips and dried fruit
Granola and bacon
Annie's Bunnies and cheese
Left overs
Bean and cheese burritos
Smoothies
Grilled chicken in rice with green veggies
BBQ chicken and guacamole quesadillas
Tacos or nachos
Curry chicken salad over Hawaiian rolls
BBQ chicken over baked potatoes with broccoli

Dinners:

Loaded twice baked potatoes
Veggie fried rice Meatballs and potatoes
Korean Beef over rice
Burrito rice bowls
Broccoli and cheese soup
Crockpot pineapple chicken
Chicken and asparagus penne pasta
Roasted red paper Alfredo
Chicken avocado soup, or some kind of tortilla soup
Egg-drop soup and garlic chicken over fried rice

And for recipes here is my pinterest board for February: http://www.pinterest.com/marymerri/february-meals/

I also went to Costco and spent 62.21 this time I kept my receipt! I also will be heading to the farmers market tonight to buy three gallons of raw milk and 2 dozen eggs. I'l be blogging about that trip tomorrow :) It's 80 here! So don't hate me but I'm going to go lay outside and get some sun :)

Crock pot cinnamon rolls and lemonade

I don't know if you watch the show New Girl, but it's my guilty pleasure. Chris doesn't really get the humor, but I spend nearly the entire episode laughing hysterically. My laughter sounds an awful lot like Woody Woodpecker, so you can understand why Chris usually leaves room when I watch the show on Hulu. Cable free since 2011 y'all! Love me some Hulu, and the money we save.
I digress.. There is an episode where one of the guys in the show named Nick Miller messes something up and he says "Nick Miller, turning lemonade into lemons since 1977". I found it hilarious!! And started using that expression way to often, until Chris finally informed me I needed a new slogan. The Lemonade one was getting old. Oh Chris. Keeping me grounded since 2009. See what I did there?! (Initiate Woody Woodpecker laugh)
Anyway, our oven broke about two wees ago, and unlike Nick Miller, I'm big into making lemons INTO lemonade. It's just my personality. I thrive when given a challenge like a broken oven (and I whine too!).

Since I make our menus out by the month, and had already grocery shopped for most of the big menu items, I had to do some fancy foot work to make sure this whole oven fiasco didn't break the bank. Now I'm not one of those girls who uses her oven as storage for her sweaters. I use our oven several times a day y'all! The first big hurtle was breakfast. I finally found a fantastic recipe for Sweet Rolls that I could make in the crock pot!!!!! We've made these three times and each time I've tinkered with the recipe just a smidge.
Here is the original recipe: http://nlkamper.blogspot.com/2013/12/overnight-crockpot-cinnamon-rolls.html?showComment=1388498862011#c3164340154805789174

And here is my recipe that I messed with just a bit:

Crockpot Overnight Cinnamon Rolls

The Dough
1 ¼ cups raw milk
¼ cup kerry gold butter
1 tsp salt
¼ cup organic sugar
1 egg
1 Tbsp active dry yeast
3.5 to 4 cups flour. 2 cups whole wheat bread flour 2ish cups of organic unbleached flour

Heat milk, butter, salt, and sugar to 120 degrees F . It's too hot if you can't stick your finger into the milk without it burning. You laugh, but this trick works! If it's too hot it will kill the yeast. Let is cool down for a few minutes if you get it too hot.
Add 2 cups of the flour and the yeast in the bowl of a stand mixer. Add the warm milk mixture and egg and beat on low to medium speed for about 3 minutes. Slowly add enough of the remaining flour to make a soft and pliable dough. Continue to kneed until the dough is smooth and elastic, and does not stick to the bowl. Cover and let rest for at least 20 minutes. I let mine rest for about an hour because...something nuts came up the boys. I think Ben cut his foot with a rock in the backyard. Ick!

The Filling
1/2 cup butter
2 Tbsp cinnamon
3/4 cup sucanat or brown sugar
Chopped nuts or raisins

Blend the filling ingredients together. Roll out the dough into a long rectangle. Then spread the filling all over the dough. Starting from a long end, tightly roll up the dough like a jelly roll. Cut evenly into slices about 2 inches thick, and place cut side down in the greased crock. I greased the crock pot with coconut oil. Cover with the lid and put in the fridge over night.

The Next Morning
Put the crock in the "pot" and turn it on low to allow the rolls to rise. Once they rise (about 30 minutes or so) turn the crock pot to high and put a dish towel under the lid to absorb some of the moisture. Cook for about an hour (check periodically).

I did not make any icing for my boys, and instead whipped up a little grass fed butter and honey for them to put on it.

Hope you enjoy these cinnamon rolls as much as we have!! I fry up some bacon, add some dried fruit and peculator coffee and it makes for a wonderful and easy breakfast!

ALDI. Our budget.... and the screaming Banshee.

I keep meaning to write this blog post, but life has been getting in the way. I'm working on two new products for Merri Babies and it's taking up a lot of time. One requires a lot of research, and the other just requires a lot of new fabrics and a lot of time spent sewing. I am SUPER excited about both of these products however.

Alrighty, onto this blog post! Here is the run down of our grocery budget.

I try and keep groceries and household items, such as toilet paper, dish soap, body wash all to $320 a month.

That's about $160 for two weeks. Now this does NOT include our main meat such ground beef, and chicken breast. Those I buy every few months with money I've saved. I buy Zaycon Food's 40lbs of all natural chicken every season, and then about 25lbs if we can afford it, of ground beef from US Wellness Meats.
This does however, include organic whole chickens I buy from Costco, and uncured bacon I buy from either Aldi or Publix.

I'm hoping to make these post a series because there's SO much material to cover, and let's be honest, The Magic School Bus episodes only last 22 minutes y'all.

I originally would plan out our menu on a two week plan. Because I go BIG grocery shopping at Costco only once a month, but I go smaller grocery shopping every two weeks. I started to realize once a month menus work best for me. Also, I do not plan my meals for every single day. It's too much pressure for this lady. I go a little nutty if things are too organized, i'll be honest. Instead I go through our pantry and fridge, and then make out a list of meals I could make with what is on hand, and then I also make another list of what I'll need to buy if we don't have a few items in a recipe I'm making. Does that make sense? Then I just pick the meals I'd like to do based on what's going on during the week.

Here is what a basic monthly menu looks like for the Merrifield Family:

Meals for January:
Breakfast:
Smoothies
Bacon and eggs
Granola and scrambled eggs
Nutella toast with raisins
Eggs over spinach with toast
Pumpkin muffins with bacon and eggs
Cinnamon Rolls
Potato and cheese skillet with eggs
Home made Graham crackers with peanut butter and dried fruit
Baked oatmeal with scrambled eggs
Mexican baked eggs

Lunches:
Hot dogs and chips and dried fruit
Granola and bacon with organic string cheese
Peanut butter and honey sandwiches with fried potatoes
Annie's Bunnies and cheese
Left overs
Bean and cheese burritos
Dried fruit with organic beef jerky and raw milk
Grilled chicken in rice with green veggies

Dinners:
Baked chicken and spinach flautas Loaded twice baked potatoes
Pizza
Veggie fried rice Meatballs and potatoes
Oven baked chimichangas Korean Beef over rice
Black bean burgers Burrito rice bowls
Overnight chicken Home made Chicken nuggets
Tacos
Garlic Chicken over Fried rice and egg drop soup
BBQ and chicken and avocado quesadillas
Ground beef crescents
Grilled chicken with rice and veggies

Now that is a lot of info! Most of the stuff is pretty simple, and I'm telling you now it's not all healthy! but for whatever I need recipes for I make a pinterest board for recipes for each months menus. Here is my January board: http://www.pinterest.com/marymerri/january-meal-plan/

I made a big trip to Costco earlier in the month to by in bulk my basics. I thought I had saved my receipt but now I can't find it. Darn it :( But I'm going to try and give you a list of what I bought, just not the exact prices like I'll be doing with my Aldi trip. I do know that my total at Costco was $120 however.

Costco Trip:
Hebrew national hot dogs
organic peanut butter (smoothies, sandwiches)
Organic sugar
Organic Maple Syrup
Organic frozen blueberries and strawberries (these are for smoothies)
Annie's bunny and cheese (healthier version of kraft mac n cheese)
4 dozen organic cage free eggs (We go through about 2-3 dozen, a week)
Kerrygold Cheese (I think it's about 2-3 lbs of cheese. It's a lot!)
Organic spinach, for smoothies, cooking etc
10lbs sack of potatoes
4 pack of their all natural pizza crust
1 large bag of organic corn chips
1 big bag of kirklands all natural fair trade chocolate chips (cookies for the boys, add to baked oatmeal)
Large tub or organic coconut oil

I ended up spending another $20 at ALDI that following week on some staples I needed to stock up on such as rice, butter, organic fruit, and tortillas for tacos.

So far the only thing I've gotten low on from my Costco trip is eggs, cheese, and spinach. I'll be picking those up at Sam's sometime next week since Sam's is a smidge closer and offers the same options.

I was thrown a curve ball over the past week in that our oven is broken. Which means, no pizza, No oven baked chimichangas, no home made bread for sandwiches and toast, no home made graham crackers, no chicken nuggets, no baked chicken and spinach flautas..Well I could go on and on but you get the picture! So I re-arranged some of of meals and then added some creative options as well, such as crockpot cinnamon rolls. Holy cinnamon y'all. Those little guys are a DELIGHT in the crock pot. Yummy in my tummy.

Since the oven went out, I was desperate to make an Aldi trip today with the little men today. So desperate I totally forgot Christopher Robin acts like a screaming banshee the moment you sit him in the cart. Yippee. I got lots of fun looks while throwing packages of bacon into my cart while Tiny Dancer yelled his lungs out and Ben kept asking "Momma. can we go home?! And play blocks? Baby is hollarin!" . What is it about Aldi and older people giving me judgey looks? I'm sure they think I should take that screaming curly headed child out to the wood shed. But we don't have a wood shed. So....There's that.

Anyway, enough dawdling: Here is my Aldi spread that will continue me onto my January Menu:
Organic animal crackers (we usually don't buy snacks, but since the oven is out...) 2.49
2 packs of small tortillas 1.99 each (for tacos, burritos and quesadillas)
Asparagus 2.29 (for the chicken and rice bowls I'm making up for Chris's lunches for work)
Frozen peas 1.09 (for fried rice)
Broccoli 1.09 (For fried rice)
2 packages of crescents 1.39 each(my splurge! We love ground beef crescents)
Two packages of blue organic GMO free corn chips 1.69 Each (snacks, nachos with taco meat, etc)
Dried berries 2.49 (CR is obsessed with dried fruit. Will not eat fresh fruit. He's an odd one!)
2 packages Organic String Cheese 2.99 each (snacks, lunches, etc)
3 lbs of bananas 1.33 (bananas bread, smoothies, snacks)
Organic apples 4.39 (Home made apple juice, snacks)
2 packages Organic carrots 1.49 each(snacks, lunches, juicing)
Pinto beans dried 1.79 (I NEVER buy canned beans. Too expensive. I soak them in my crockpot on low over night covered in at least 2 inches of water. Use them for burritos, soups, tacos, etc)
Black beans 2.39 (Same as above)
Frozen organic blueberries 2.99 (These will either be for smoothies or the filling for my next batch of sweet rolls)
4 packages (10 slices each) of all natural uncured bacon 3.89 each (breakfast, added to salad, lunches)
2 Pineapples 1.19 each (for juicing)
Winking Owl Merlot 2.89!!!!! Tried it tonight. Love it! I'm picky about my red wine, but this one I love.
1 red and 1 orange red pepper 2.29 (sliced for a snack or to add to stir fry)
Frozen raspberries and strawberries 2.29 (for smoothies)
Onion powder .99 (Chris hates onions! And I love them. Compromise is onion powder. Welcome to marriage :)
2 packages of butter (sadly they were out of organic) 2.39 each (baking, cooking eggs, veggies, etc)

And my grand total was: 72.66

Wooohoooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also, you may be wondering why I din't buy everything that is in these recipes on my board. That's because I buy a little extra of staples in the pantry or fridge every time Aldi has stuff I used often, on sale. Also, I make a lot of basics from scratch. I make my own chicken broth. I make my own bread and hamburger buns. I don't usually buy snacks for the boys. I make them, or pop them pop corn on the stove with coconut oil and 1/2 cup of my 50lb bag of popcorn :) I'm so cool.

After Aldi I made a quick trip to Whole Foods. Yikes! If you were looking for someone today, they were probably at Whole Foods. Everybody and their Mama was there today.
I picked up two half gallons of grass milk at 4.99 each, one container of whole milk organic yogurt 3.50 (This will be my starter for yogurt in my crockpot) and some organic black strap molasses for cookies and for the boys. I add it to their raw milk (When we're not out!) for a little extra iron. My total was around $20.

Here is my grand-ish total for the month of January:

$120 Costco
$20 Aldi
$72.66 Aldi again
$20 Whole Foods
Total: 232.66

Stay tuned :) I'll keep you updated on my next wildly exciting shopping excursion with Pete and Re-Pete Merrifield!

Bloom.

A few weeks ago when Chris and I were running errands, someone said something to me that hurt my feelings. REEEEEALLY bad.
So bad, that I cried the whole drive home, and poor C didn't even bother asking if I was okay. Boy isn't stupid! I was so incredibly not okay.
And let's be honest, I haven't been OKAY since October. I'm getting there, but it's been an interesting road. This poor girl, in all honesty, had no idea what she said would make me feel like I'd been sucker punched. I seriously doubt she had any idea how my heart aches. Did I feel (in that moment) like throwing a coffee pot at this girl? You betcha. But it was not her fault, at all.
As I pondered my heartache, this girls poorly chosen words, and my stage in life, I realized I had to be honest with myself.
Honest in where I was. Honest with myself about my journey, and where I find myself lately, as a wife and mama.

So here is life lately: Life lately is crumbled corn chips in the living room. It's castile soap covering Christopher Robin's entire body-because let's face it-kid gets creative when he's bored! It's train tracks covering the circumference of the house. It's a small house..Don't get too excited. It's dirty dishes in my sink, too many toys thrown in the pool, asking myself how many days I can go without a shower before my hair looks ridiculous, it's being asked 76 1/2 times if the boys can watch Curious George, it's crayons on the wall, deep conditioning Christopher Robin's curls so they continue to look A-dorable, but most of all it's navigating real life. Big brother little brother relationships, understanding my husband's needs, standing in the parking lot of Publix with Ben, asking him if eating Christopher Robin's sprinkle cookie was very loving. It's watching some of my dearest friends continue to be pregnant, and I'm just... not. It's taking the time to tell Ben I love him, no matter many how many times he thinks it's a good idea to tee tee off the side of his bunk bed..You'd be surprised...He thinks it's a good idea every other day....I love that kid.

My parents had a cross stitch of tulips framed in Ana Eason's and my room growing up. Under the tulips were the words "bloom where you are planted".

Well, I'm planted here. This is where the Lord wants me, Among the dirty clothes and legos and heartache. And I intend to bloom. In this stage. On this journey. I'm thankful. And blessed. Even in the midst of crayon drawings on the walls.

An ode to my Mom, the ultimate educated consumer

It's no secret I'm a big fan of my Momma, Missy Flanagan. I'm blessed (or cursed? JK!) with only the best memories of her growing up. I think I may have one single memory of her yelling at me. And it was because I told Ben he was adopted..So, the yelling was probably warranted. haha!

I do my mom an extreme disservice when I answer that my interested in politics come from my Daddy. The true answer, is that my interest on a very deep level, comes from my Mom. As a stay at home Mom, you don't have time to run a phone bank out of your house to remind people to get out to vote. You can't take two toddlers around dinner time every night to knock on doors and promote your agenda or candidate. It's just not going to happen. My mom knew this, so she promoted her own conservative beliefs in her own, genius way. She became an educated consumer. She was an educated consumer before it was cool. Of course she was also making her own bread, grinding her own wheat, buying local and organic, and just all around super crunchy before that was cool also. Love that lady!

I can remember there was a running list on our fridge growing up of companies who were pro-choice who would not get her business. Companies who gave to political candidates she would not vote for. Heck,she even boycotted Disney for years due to some decisions the company made that she didn't agree with. My mom was a genius in her own way, because she knew, that she made all the basic, day to day buying decisions for our family, and she intended to make them count! My Momma fully intended to put her money where her mouth was, on a very organic level. She wanted these companies to know that she did not agree with their corporate activism, and until things changed, they would not be getting the Flanagan households grocery money. I'm sure this seems very small to you-one housewife doing her due diligence and hell-bent on making a difference. Just one. But can you imagine if hundreds of thousands of us girls did this? I'm singling out stay at home moms in this, because that's what I am, but you don't have to even be a Mom or wife at all to be an educated consumer! We research who we want to vote for in the presidential elections, why don't we do the same thing with the corporations who receive our money on a day to day level? Gas stations. Grocery Stores. Clothing companies. Think of the huge difference we could make in this country if we just educated ourselves on who is REALLY getting our money??

Lucky for you, and me, there's an app for that! It's called 2nd Vote.
Check out http://www.2ndvote.com/ Or go to this link to download it https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/2nd-vote/id593149524?mt=8.

2nd Vote is an incredible tool that rates companies based on their conservative values. The App categorizes their "scorecard" either by industries OR issues. It then allows you to vote and promise your support of these companies that share your values.

Got Christmas presents to buy? Want to support companies that actually recognize Christmas? 2nd Vote's got ya covered! Here is a list of companies compiled by 2nd Vote who recognize Christmas, and those who don't. https://www.2ndvote.com/christmas
I know what you're going to ask! Does Missy use this App? She sure does!! At first she didn't know what an App was, but she's pretty savvy these days when it comes to her iphone! Sometimes we even facetime. She's so hip!

Thanks for listening to me ramble folks! Check out this super fun app! Download it, and start making a difference.
And if you think about it, go wish Missy a Merry Christmas :) The educated consumer, before it was cool!

10 weeks was enough

I had lots of plans for this week. Monday was the Science Center with the kids and Chris to see the new Elmo exhibit. Tuesday morning was my incredible Mom's Bible Study at church. We had thought after naps on Tuesday we would take the kids to IKEA to get me some fun stuff to organized my laundry room. It was my birthday week so that's what I wanted-organized laundry! But why did I want an organized laundry room? Because I was 10 weeks pregnant with our third baby. When I'm pregnant, I thrive on projects that keep me organized. I nest all 9 months! Drives Chris nuts. On Thursday we had a fun play date to see our old neighbors and I was so excited to talk about this third pregnancy with them. Friday was my birthday! I would be 26. So blessed at 26, with three babies, a sweet husband, precious friends, and an amazing church. So very, very blessed. It had been such a season of encouragement for me over the past few months. A season filled with incredible community through our church and our sweet friends. My cup, was, and is overflowing. But at 1pm on Tuesday it all came crashing down on me. My body, gave me away. My finite body, made of clay, 26 years old, my body that was just showing signs of a third pregnancy, let me know that things were not okay. Very suddenly that afternoon, I saw signs of a miscarriage. I tried to walk into the living room to tell Chris we needed to go to the hospital, but I made it halfway before I began weeping. My precious friend Jessie (who was there to keep Ben for me when we had Christopher Robin) showed up soon at the front door with her two little guys in tow, to keep our boys while we headed to Winnie Palmer. I felt such a different wave of emotions come over me as I said good bye to the boys and headed to the hospital. Completely different feeling than when I left Ben with Jessie to bring him home a baby brother. We got in the car and I could not form sentences. My sadness had swept over me. And Chris has learned in the years we've been married, that my instincts are never wrong. He just held my hand. We parked and Chris was walking really fast to get to labor and delivery triage. I begged him to slow down. I could feel I was losing this baby with every step. I just wanted to slow down, I wasn't ready. I needed more time. We finally made it to triage, got in a room, and a doctor confirmed that our baby was gone and I was most likely experiencing a miscarriage. She held my hand as tears fell down my face, told me how sorry she was. "You don't understand" I told her. "I was made for this. I love my babies". She started to tear up and walked out so Chris and I could have some time. I curled into a ball, and felt deep, gut wrenching sobs take over my body as Chris held me. I know life, and I know death, so very well. They are both incredibly intertwined in my life. But I just wasn't ready for this loss. This sweet little life growing in me, leaving my body before it was my time for her to leave. We came home, and I walked through the miscarriage over the next few days. I've never felt such physical pain, and grief at the same time. I felt like it was happening to someone else. Surely, this wasn't my body going through this! I had two healthy babies already! Miscarriages don't happen to people like me. But they do sweet friends. They do. I cried more than I've cried in a very long time. And the truth in all of this, is that I'v felt this grief before. No, not the loss of a child from my own body, but the loss of a brother. As the waves of grief overwhelmed me as each pain hit my body, reminding me, that my sweet baby was gone, I recalled that I've felt loss before. I've felt grief. And I know this to be true even in the midst of real pain and real sadness: 10 weeks was enough. 10 weeks was what brought the Lord glory. 10 weeks seems too short. Not enough time I kept saying. I need more. More. More. More. Please. But our sweet baby was already in glory. While I was weeping in pain and begging for the miscarriage to stop, the Lord has already taken our precious baby into his arms. Our baby knew no pain. She was dancing in the arms of her Uncle Ben, before the King. 10 weeks glorified Him best. 10 weeks was enough time. I find myself very weak and feeling so empty now. I hope to take the next few weeks and months, slowly. My prayer is that we will allow ourselves the grace to grieve this sweet baby. I'll leave you with a quote from Jim Elliot: "So I put you on the altar...But what is to be done with the ashes?" Out of the ashes, beauty will rise.

Crunchy Momma

Well friends. This has been a LONG time in coming. Three years of living in Florida have made me one crunchy Momma! It really shouldn't come as a surprise to me. I was RAISED by a crunchy momma, before it was cool. My Mom made home made bread, grind-ed (ground??) her own wheat. She and Jimmy had an INCREDIBLE organic garden. We had free range chickens. Horses. She was always trying to get us to take our daily vitamins. She was "amaze-zing" as Ben says. She was super Mom before that became a thing. So really, I owe most of my crunchy ways to Mimsey. By the way, all this talking about my incredible Momma has me watching this HILARIOUS video!! I'm not kidding, I die every time I watch it. It's so southern momma! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7yg05svXp98 Okay, now that you've relived my early 20's with me while watching Miranda Lambert mess up her hair... Let's get into the REAL stuff. Trust me, you don't want to wait around to hear me start gushing about Eric Church. It gets a little ridiculous. So...People are always asking me about our crazy lifestyle. No, not the children who run down the street naked with me screaming behind them. The Real Food Lifestyle. Since this is a TON of info, I'm going to break this into four blog post: This first post is introducing you to the basics of WHAT we eat. 2. WHERE we get our fod. 3.HOW we afford it. and 4.How I make the time to make all this crazy stuff. and I'll be posting recipes as well. THIS book pretty much gives you every thing you need to know about REAL food. It is amazing. And it will also blow your mind. Fat is GOOD for you?! You betcha! Raw milk?! Not gross. Downright yummy. So go buy this book if you want healthy babies, a better immune system, and you want to look and feel..nicer? Nicer is good.Trust me. Also- it's got all the science-y stuff in there that I'm too hyper to sit down and type out as to WHY we eat like this. Just read the book. It's wonderful. So without further ado; Here are the basics of the Merrifield fam diet: Grass fed beef Pastured chickens We cook in grassfed butter, coconut oil, and beef tallow or pork lord. (are you jumping out of your chair right now because I said lard?! It's a scary word I know) We drink home made kombucha (flavored with some amazing fruit combos so far. Blackberry strawberry and blueberry cherry have been so yummy! My tummy is pretty happy) iced herb tea sweetend with local raw honey and raw milk. We actually go through THREE gallons of raw milk a week. Christopher Robin has a raw milk problem. Do they have meetings for that?? I think the first step is admitting that you have a problem... I make hot chocolate with the milk for Ben and he drinks a cup every morning. SO YUMMY! We eat about 2 dozen eggs a week. Free Range y'all. Free range eggs are actually preferred over organic. We boil em', scramble em', fry em'..you get the picture! Breakfast is our big meal around here since Chris isn't home for dinner because of work. I make home made chicken broth with left over chicken, and any veggie scraps lying around. It's SO good for you. It seriously heals you! I make home made yogurt in my crockpot with raw milk. And I'm super excited to be making kefir for smoothies soon. We buy our local and organic produce from an amazing place called Market Place Deliveries. they deliver produce to our doorstep every Saturday! If you DO live in our area, I highly recomend these guys, and if you join my virtual co-op we ALL get great discounts! http://marketplacedeliveries.com/user/virtualcoop/joinuser/8f062248-bd22-4cc7-96d1-a16800390bb5 But if you don't live in Orlando, check out your local farmers market OR even craigslist! You'd be surprised what you find. Instead of snack foods, we eat A LOT or organic popcorn. I buy it in bulk and pop it on the stove in butter, bacon fat, or butter with a little sea salt. DELISH. The boys love natural peanut butter. We buy it with two ingrediants. Peanuts. and Salt. Then I mix in local raw honey. We sweeten coffee, granola, oatmeal, yogurt, hot chocolate, home made chocolate bark and chocolate syrup with Grade B Maple syrup. We LOVE grass fed cheese! Cook with it, and I cut it into cheese sticks for snacks for the men. For baked goods, I sweeten with succant. I but it in bulk from amazon. And last but not least, I make home made bread, which is soaked before I bake it. MUCH better four little bellies! I think that sums up the basics! This type of eating is wonderful for our immune systems, it keeps mine and Chris's weight at a normal range, and it's so good for our sweet babies too. Plus, what's nice about eating this way, is you don't starve! You eat when you're hungry! No diets around here. They make me wild and mean. Also, speaking of wild, sometimes when I get hungry and mean Chris says I act like the wife in this vidoe: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aq1CuhcDj8Y

An ode to Wilbur. And Dallas Cheerleaders...

I had GRAND plans for my first blog post after a very long hiatus. I was going to write about our Real Food lifestyle, Ben's behavioral issues and the drastic changes we've made as a family, but honestly, I have to first blog about what happened today. At the grocery story.. No I'm not kidding. I'm a stay at home Momma people! All my exciting life stuff happens at the grocery store. Or at the park y'all. I'm not 21 anymore. 25 is a whole different level of wild. Today, Chris was sick, and it was starting to rain as soon as naps were over. So I thought I'd be a nice wife, let C get a little nap in and I'd take the kids to buy uncurred bacon at Publix. I'm not even kidding. Publix is the most exciting thing. EVER. We get free cookies. We get to get out of the house. And Ben and I get to watch Christopher Robin almost hyperventilate from excitement over getting a balloon. Oh sweet, sweet Christopher Robin. Anyway, we made a little pit stop at 7-11 first to get gas. Mimsey (Momma Missy) called and we got to discuss buying a cow with her. Her one question was "Well. How much beef do y'all actually eat?!" And all I could say was "A lot. We are actually on our way to buy bacon" which lead to her asking "Well, are you buying a cow..or Wilbur?" Oh Mimsey. She's so wise. And she seems to be able to keep her edible animals straight, unlike Momma Mk over here! As soon as we got gas, got off the phone with Mimsey, and got out of the van at Publix, the heavens opened up. It started to POUR down rain. We forgot Ben's shoes (Waiting on my Mother of the Year award) so as we walked into Publix, Ben was on my back and Christopher Robin found himself clinging for dear life to my hip. Moments like that, I bet he wishes Momma was a big girl. There's not a lot to cling to these days! We found our "car" cart as Ben calls it, and made our way straight to the bacon aisle. We ain't playin' y'all. We LOVE our apple gate bacon. Right as I was searching the bacon display, a Publix employee walked up. Some young guy. I say young guy, but I think he was like 27. I just felt old at that point..because let's face it, I picked the wrong day to wear a maxi dress. It was so wet from the rain, it probably weighed more than I did at that point. The poor guy took one look at me and stammered "Um. Do you need, like a towel? Or something to dry off with?" Now before I could politely decline, Ben decided now would be a good idea to do his best impression of me on drugs. (I don't do drugs, but this is how I picture myself high on pot) and he started to laughed louder than I've eve heard him (kid's got lungs!) and point. He specifically was pointing at the poor Publix employee and laughing. Louder and louder. Oh Ben.... I guess he made the Publix guy so nervous, the guy ran away pretty quickly. Bless his heart. We walked around the rest of the store, just trying to kill some time. And I kept wondering how I could keep my maxi dress from dragging me down (these are the super serious thoughts of a Momma of two toddlers) and I kept making myself laugh, imaging tying up my dress to try and look something like a Dallas Texas Cheerleader top. The funny thing is, I feel like I walk through life with her exact expression. Maybe I need to really re-think my wardrobe. hahahaha! Just kidding... But since I was looking a like more like a drowned rat, I ended up just tying the ends up in two knots so I could walk, and hoped we didn't see anymore we knew. We walked outside just as the rain seemed to be letting up- and it happened AGAIN! The rain poured down. At this point Ben was yelling so loud about the "RAIN!!!" I couldn't hear myself think. I finally thought to look over at my second born, and he wasn't making a sound. Just hanging out. Watching his romper get more and more soaked. Sweet little guy...Love him. We got in the car, I put the key in the ignition, and wouldn't you know it, Sammy Kershaw's song (I like classic country guys! No judgement please) came on "Don't go near the water" Lemme just regale you with a few lines so you can appreciate the irony of it all: Your mama used to worry about that big muddy river She should've worried about me Cause we were sure enough gettin' our feet wet mama But we didn't go near the water Oh Sammy.. Good thing I didn't learn this lesson! My two wet babies in the back seat are proof. But, one lesson was learned: No more publix outings when it looks like potential downpour. We don't want to scare the employees anymore than usual. Or get our feet wet for that matter. That's all folks! Hopefully, we can discuss drier, and more serious topics at a later date.

I will cut you!

I've been batting a thousand lately when it comes to parenting out in public. I took Ben to the Goodwill store (They have amazing wrapping paper, for .25 a roll. I like to stock up for Christmas!) and while we were there he ate a crayon...30 seconds later he threw up said crayon. My super fast mommy like reflexes helped me catch it all in my hands (I know..I know..gross). So there I was, standing in Goodwill, holding throw-up considering wiping it all on my shirt, Ben was HOLLERIN' "Momma!!!" at the top of his lungs. I mean, it really doesn't get any classier than that...Well maybe if I had, had sponge rollers in my hair. The girl at the check-out clerk sauntered over with a roll of paper towels and handed them to me with a glare. I smiled politely at her and cleaned up all the throw up. I finally made my way to the check-out, and while paying, thanked the lady for the paper towels. "So sorry! He's just 110% boy, and he thinks everything either belongs in his mouth or should be covered in mud." I said to her with my best southern drawl I could muster. She glared at me and informed me all FOUR of her children at that age weren't little monsters. So I punched her lights out....... Hahahaha!! Just kidding. I'd have lost that fight. She was (as my momma says) a BIG girl, and although I'm scrappy, I was worried while I was throwin' down with Miss. Judgmental Ben was going to somehow find another crayon to swallow. So I smiled again, took my receipt, and my "little monster" and walked out. And on the way home Ben and I worked on our best impressions of Bon Qui Qui. "I will cut you!!!!"

Teething Pains

Back when we lived in MS and Ben had just started his rampage of teething, I can remember a Mom at our church who smiled at me and said "Oh, well I NEVER even knew so-and-so was teething. She is such an angel! I just looked in her mouth one day and there was a tooth". I remember sitting there with a screaming 5 month old thinking "I want to slap you...But we are in church..So... never mind" To say that teething has been insane for both our sweet boys, is an understatement. They both have struggled in different ways, but it's all been nuts, and lead to my current three pots of coffee a day addiction. So recently a much kinder Mom at our church here in Florida recommended I try clove oil for Christopher Robin's gums. And that has truly helped with sweet baby! Coincidentally while I was researching online, I also found out it's great for any kind of mouth pain. So give it a try the next time you have a toothache! I'd recommend organic clove essential oil. I got mine from amazon. If you're using it for a baby, I'd dilute it with an edible oil. Coconut oil is what I used. I mixed one drop of clove oil with about 1/2 teaspoon of coconut oil and rubbed it all over Baby's gums. His face was hilarious! But it works! And seems to last for about 2 hours. So go get you some clove oil if you're little guy or little girl is making you want to slap people in church :)

Home made bath salts

Ever since I became a Momma, my brain has been going ninety miles a minute. Okay, so full disclosure, my brain has ALWAYS gone that fast, but it's harder to turn off when your a mom, and contrary to what non-moms think-there is SO much responsibility involved in raising this little stinkers, and so many to-do list. You spend so many sleep-less nights with your little babies, that your body becomes used to waking up multiple times during the night, even when your kids are finally sleeping through the night! Talk about a real downer. I have been known to hear a phantom cry, run at full speed out of bed (This little Mommy doesn't waste time!) straight into the bedroom door frame...Not even kidding. Which then leaves my husband unsure as to whether he should laugh hysterically, because his wife has brain damage now, even tho there was no baby crying to begin with, or to go get me ice for my noggin and tell me to come back to sleep. It's basically a lose-lose situation guys. So, I've tried many solutions to help me sleep through the night. Sleepy time tea, melatonin, ambien, a bottle of red wine (which was fun!), etc. Nothing seems to help all that much. Except a hot bath in home-made bath salts! I owe this original recipe to my sweet friend Debra Morgan, the original DIY Momma. No kidding. She's truly a super Mom, and someone very dear to my heart! Here is what you will need: a container with a lid 1 cup Epson salt 1 cup Baking Soda 10-15 drops organic lavender essential oil 2 drops peppermint organic essential oil (Just two! Or you'll feel like you slathered your whole body with icy-hot. Which is just plain awkward) 2 drops tea tree oil Mix all together, put in container, and give it a good shake before use. Add 1/2 cup to a hot bath, and tell your husband to come check on you in 5 minutes, because there's a good chance you will fall asleep in the tub. Lavender is soothing, peppermint helps with your circulation, sore muscles, and tea tree will help draw out the toxins from your body. It's truly amazing! Give it a try.

I get it. I really do Mom!

When you're a girl, you're most likely always going to be close to your Momma. Sure you might have some icky times during high-school/college (Oh come on, we've all got these stories that begin with "But that's when Mom and So-and-so weren't talking remember??".) but for the most part, every little girl loves her Mom dearly. Now once you become a Mom, the bond you feel only gets better. I can't tell how many times I want to pick up the phone and say to my Mom "Thank you SO much for loving me even when I was teething...No really. How did you not kill me? I'm losing my mind over here! Give me some tips!!!!" Maybe I'm just getting more wise in my old age (ahahahaha. I'm only 25 you crazy peple!) but ever since I had Christopher Robin I've felt even more of a connection to Momma Mimsey. I think it's because Christopher Robin is the second born, like me. Second born babies come with a tiny bit more guilt than the first one. If you've been to our house in the past 8 months, you understand what I mean. Poor baby gets the brunt of all of his big brother's, big brother issues. He's been bitten, pinched, had toys thrown at him, and that was just today.... I found myself sitting in the laundry room crying yesterday- thinking two things- First, that I wish I could give Christopher Robin more one on one time, in between chasing Ben down the street, and Second, I was really glad we were renting this house, because the laundry room was very spacious and a really great place to have my Mommy break downs. But aside from crying in the laundry room a lot, I'm starting to understand my mother SO much more. I understand her never ending compassion towards me, her concern for my life choices, and her loyalty. Now I'm not saying that I was my mother's favorite child (That prize goes to my little brother's dog Troy...just kidding :) but what I am saying, is that the more babies I have, the more I understand, and appreciate my mother. To sum it up, I get it Momma. I really do.

Laundry and me

When I was in high school living in DC, in college at the W,and back in DC again to intern when I was 20, I HATED laundry. It made zero sense to me, and it never failed I ended up re-washing all my clothes because I didn't fold them, or left them too long in the washer and they started to get funky. One time I think there was even an incident in DC where I had a pretty good buzz going, and instead of actually doing my laundry I ended up on the roof with it in the pouring rain. ..........Well. It made since at the time! Don't even get me started on when Chris and I got married. Let's just say, it's a good thing my Momma lived 5 minutes away the first 5 months of our marriage! OR Chris would have had nothing to wear....hehehe. Once Ben came along, the laundry got crazier, and I pretty much pulled a Scarlett O'hara. "I'll think about that tomorrow!" It got so bad, I can remember sitting on the couch feeding Ben a bottle, surrounded by laundry and crying. Well, let's face it, you cry over everything after having a baby. But laundry was pretty bad back then. Skip forward two years- Now we have TWO babies! So that makes three boys, one girl, and tons of laundry. I thought it was bad with just me, but you don't know laundry until you have three boys in the house. After much prayer and thought on the matter, I decided I just had to take the bull by the horns, specially since I was jumping on the cloth diaper train. I was already making my own detergent (which I LOVE!!!) but I did some research on fabric softeners (not for cloth diapers!) and found out vinegar does an amazing job and baking soda is a great wash aid (I'm also doing some research on natural stain removers. I'll get back to you on that). I started religiously reading the tags on all the clothing we own, sorting better(I used to wash towels and silk together. Not even kidding) and I somehow convinced my precious husband and sweet father-in-law to build me a clothes line. The clothes line pretty much sealed the deal on reversing my hatred of laundry. Every morning I take my load of clothes out to the line to hang up, and I get 5 whole minutes of being alone (plus I feel kinda like I'm saving the planet by not using my dryer) outside, without the kids pulling on me. It's GLORIOUS. And I am loving how much better my clothes feel and wear. Also, because I do mostly medium loads of clothes (and only two loads a day) I have the time to take the clothes down at lunch time when they're dry, and immediately put them away. This means the clothes sitting in the laundry basket for days doesn't happen anymore. I highly recommend getting your sweet husband, tall friend, or Daddy to help you set up a clothes line. It saves on energy/money, (I cut our electricity cost by $25 a month) keeps your laundry fresh, and gives you a couples minutes alone without your babies. It'd pretty much win-win in my book :)